So… here is an interesting problem I am musing on.
First, a quick overview. 1: I would very much like to write interesting, daily–or more than daily–articles for readers to enjoy. 2: What to write about? And how should it sound? 3: Several people pointed out that since A: in real life, all my life, people far and wide of all types have genuinely enjoyed talking to me because I am apparently quite good at and engaging in conversation. B: given that, just write articles as though you were talking 1-on-1 with a person, and people will probably enjoy it. 3: I…have a myriad of mental health issues, some of which pills and therapy have helped and some of which not. However, about a dozen experts and just associates have recommended journalling as a good help. And I suppose 4: part of trying to put my life back together is becoming more vocal and communicative on the whole.
So… to that end, I am having a problem of finding a Voice. So, I can see the wisdom in the articles bit: people like to talk to me, but since I am trying to talk to everyone/no one in particular, how do I accomplish that? By writing as though I were just being rather long-winded at someone in conversation. It seems fairly reasonable, and at this point all I can really do is give it a shot and see how it turns out.
However… the journal thing.
I have tried keeping a journal about 30-40 freakin times over my life, and every single damn time except once (see ‘candlelit journal’) I have stared at the page for an hour, then tried to write something, reread it, loathed it, and promptly given up this stupid hobby.
Which, in a way, is odd, since some of my favorite games like Bioshock, System Shock, aaand tons of general mystery things from shows to games to novels almost always involve learning about a suspect via journals, trying to find clues via journals… hell I know much of the history of the world that we know we only know because people kept journals.
…but I just cant seem to do it. I am in general quite happy to talk (some might even say I dont shut up) but somehow a journal always feels… ridiculous and… hollow. “But you write stories” I can hear you object, “and youre not talking to anyone there.” Technically true, but I either have characters talking to each other or I am sort of talking to the universe and explaining a situation, kinda like telling a friend an anecdote of my life, only in a story it isnt my life, its made up. So I genuinely don’t know HOW to write a journal.
…now you could argue this right here is almost a journal. Sort of, I suppose. But really, this is a stream of consciousness, and also since the vast majority of blogging is basically journalling, not the ‘articles’ I prefer to write I figured hell, maybe one of my readers might actually have some insight or advice.
….heck, Ive even tried to jazz it up, making the tone like a Starfleet Captain’s Log. Because role playing/acting is fun. Buuut it works for the first few sentences and then I run into the same problem of I dont know what it should sound like. Who am I talking to, myself? Seems ridiculous, I can do that in my head anytime I wish. Okay, an imaginary friend? Again ridiculous, and again, I can already have a full blown discussion with imaginary people, I do it all the time as daydreaming/story building. Then maybe im talking to whomever might read the journal, after my death or during some police raid or in my biography a century later or …whatever? Then… okay, but I feel I then have to tailor the tone to explain everything and it just gets exhausting and I cant be honest about things, and the whole point of a journal, as I understand it, is to allow yourself to be more open and honest.
But I do that already, mostly. So I dont see the point.
Hmm.
Further on the point of Vox: my changing tone in my stories, and trying so hard to get my muse back and write as profusely and profoundly as I used to. …that one is still a mightily stuck sticking point. …actually dont know what more to say about that point here besides that essentially I want to do the Team America World Police Secret Signal to express my emotions about this frustrating issue. So picture that.
Moving on then, I suppose Im not entirely sure why I made this post. I am writing it while extremely… unwell, and I dont really even know who my readers are anymore.
Maybe this is journalling? Just… shouting into the void.
And maybe someone will hear? Maybe you’ll hate it, be bored, love it, I have no freaking idea.
And maybe no one will.
A quote comes to mind. “I can never figure out if The Runners are running towards something, or away from something.” “Does it matter? Sometimes it just feels good to run.”
End log.
Wandering Skull 